Penguins can fly
by i need sanity
Summary: Christmas isn't all candycanes and presents this year. Something deadly is coming.
1. Of Mother Technology and looming threats

**Ok, I went to the cemetery today and I saw an ambulance! I mean, how weird is that! I wish every one who has finished their PSLE Merry Christmas and good luck for next year! Oh yeah, I don't own Naruto, Dragonfable, Warriors or even any of the OCs except for Kane. I know, I'm pathetic, no need to tell me that. Time to shut up and on with the story!**

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The noisy ringing of an alarm clock shattered the silence in the room. With a groan, Kagami hauled herself out of her bed. She hated alarm clocks ever since she had a nightmare of one turning into a bunch of killer bananas. Then it started raining tomatoes. Kagami shuddered. Tomatoes were _eeeeeeeevvvvvvvviiiiilllllll. _Reaching out for her clock, she suddenly remembered something.

She had to attend a meeting at 9 a.m..

"CRAP!!!!! I'M GONNA BE LATE!!!!!!!" And with that, Kagami leapt out of bed and hurriedly washed up before dashing out of her apartment. At times like these she wished that she had Kane's time-stop abilities or Suisho's supersonic speed. She was sooooo dead…

"Sheesh, when is Kagami coming? She's almost 15 minutes late!" Yari whined. "Just shut up, would you?" Tenshi sighed wearily. Suisho and Kane had both settled for powernaps and Tenshi herself was nodding off, but it was impossible to sleep with a hyper Yari. Damn Yari. She didn't have to organise a meeting that early in the morning. Tenshi made up her mind to eradicate every single trace of sugar and caffeine from Yari's house when she had the time. At that moment, Kagami burst into the room.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" "Yeah, you'd better be. You made us endure Yari's horrible singing and I'm going to throttle you for that." Suisho growled, roused from her sleep. Kane stirred too. Tenshi bit back a giggle when she saw Kane's short hair stick up in tufts. "Back to business, people! We haven't decided on where to go for our Christmas vacation!" Everyone cringed as Yari screeched. "Shut up or no chocolate for you." Kane snapped. "But Kane-sempai…" "No buts." Kane ended the matter with a glare. Yari pouted.

"I vote for Konoha," Kagami said. "Alright, that's fine by me." Tenshi looked around and asked, " What about the rest of you?" Suisho nodded while Kane shrugged. "Ok, so Yari, you stay behind to take care of the village. I'll give you chocolate." At the sound of the magic word, Yari shut up and nodded happily. An insane grin spread out on Tenshi's face. "SO LET'S GO PACK!!!!!"

Suisho stowed practical things in her haversack like clothes, a water bottle and other stuff. Kane packed all the Warriors books she had into her slingbag. Kagami put penguin plushies in her backpack because she had a penguin obsession and a fetish for plushies. Tenshi stuffed lots of random items in her bag like tape, scissors and even a hamster.

Just as they were about to set off, Kagami asked, "Erm… people, how are we supposed to get to Konoha? Its like, a month's journey south." "How about that?" Kane pointed to a random Dragonfable portal. "Ok, it's worth a try." And so they plucked up their courage, stepped into the portal and saw a…… selection screen. "Cool! Mother Technology has endowed this portal with behavioral and structural adaptations!" Suisho squealed dementedly. "Where's ze button... Buttonbuttonbuttonbuttonbuttonbuttonbuttonbutton AHA!" And pressing the button labeled 'Konoha', they were off…

"Strange, why do I have this ominous feeling that our village is going to be endangered in the not so distant future?" Tsunade muttered.

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**I'm really sorry for this crappy chapter! I'm facing writer's block! Ack… Anyway, here are the meanings of the names of my OCs. Most of them are based on the nicknames of the people I've based them on.**

Kane: Bell(lol. I accept my fate.)

Kagami: Mirror (I decided to be nice to Shallowkit…)

Tenshi: Angel(I miss you!)

Suisho: Crystal

Yari: Spear

**R&R! Or face the wrath of the polka dots!**


	2. Pineapples and Tsunade's bad choice

**I am boooooooorrrrreeeeed. You better come for the barbecue tomorrow Freaking hot walnut! Or else!**

**And I wish those random people outside my house would stop yelling "Ultraman!" So annoying. And I don't own Naruto because if I did, it'll have penguins in it.**

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" I feel like singing!" "Yeah!" " Alright!" " 1,2,3,4 everybody go!"

_In my very own classroom_

_Covered in sand, _

_I shot my own teacher_

_With three rubber bands!_

_I shot him with pleasure,_

_I shot him with pride!_

_I couldn't have missed him,_

_He was fifty feet wide!_

_I went to his funeral,_

_I went to his grave,_

_Some people threw flowers_

_But I threw grenades!_

_I opened his coffin,_

_He wasn't so dead,_

_So I took out my gun_

_And blasted off his head!_

Iruka just stared at the four random strangers who appeared out of nowhere smack bang in the middle of his classroom. Correction, four loud, annoying and demented random strangers. He liked children as a general rule but not the disrespectful ones. And they had the cheek to sing an anti-teacher song in front him! Didn't anyone teach them any manners? He glared at them sternly.

"You're asking a really retarded question, pineapple." A girl's voice cut into his thoughts. "Are you talking to me?" Iruka was slightly confused. How did that girl read his thoughts? And did she just call him a pineapple? "Do you see any other pineapples around here, pineapple?" the girl replied with a smirk while her three friends sniggered. Iruka was extremely offended. His hair had always been a sensitive issue. These impudent little tykes had absolutely no idea on how far they were pushing him…

"Which village are you from?" he asked suspiciously. They might be enemy ninja, after all, or a potential threat to Konoha, who knows? Insane and rude enemy ninja, maybe, but still an enemy. "Pengigakure." came the calm reply. This time, the schoolteacher had to bite back his laughter. Hidden Village of the Penguin? Come on, that's ridiculous. Shaking his head, he continued, "Why are you here?" Another girl answered, " We came here for our annual Christmas vacation! It's my favorite time of the year!" Iruka sighed and kneaded his temples. He needed a way out of this, and fast.

"Tsunade-sama, these four girls appeared out of nowhere in my classroom. They claimed to be from Pengigakure and said that they were here for their annual Christmas holiday." Tsunade looked at the four teenage girls in front of her. They were wearing black T-shirts, white sweaters and jeans and three of them were wearing spectacles. In fact, they looked a bit like bookworms, not ninjas. "You're dismissed, Iruka-sensei." After he had left, Tsunade continued, "How old are you? What is your rank?" "We're 12, and we're Pengikages. Kane is Shodaime, I'm Nidaime, Tenshi's Sandaime and Suisho is Yondaime. Yari's our Godaime but she's taking care of the village while we're gone." Kagami said matter-of-factly.

The blonde woman stared at them in disbelief. They were definitely lying. Pengigakure did not exist. "We're not lying. It's true. And Pengigakure does exist." Kagami said seriously. The Hokage nearly fell over in surprise. "You can actually read my mind?" Kagami nodded. Tsunade was slightly wary now. A girl of this age could actually penetrate other's minds? "What about the rest of you? What special powers do you have?" she questioned the rest. "Well, I can stop time, Tenshi has power over air currents and Suisho has supersonic speed." Kane piped up. Tsunade raised an eyebrow. She had to admit, they had impressive abilities, but she wanted to be sure.

"Shizune!" she barked. "Assign them to the various teams. I want to have their skills assessed. And arrange their lodging." As she watched Shizune scurry off, she couldn't help but think that this was a bad idea. Immediately, she shrugged it off. How bad could a bunch of 12-year old girls be?

If only you knew how wrong you were Tsunade. If only you knew.

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**I admit, the part where Kane said that Tenshi controlled air currents was an insider joke. Sorry if Iruka sounded OOC. I needed a teacher for this chapter and he was the only one I could think of. R&R, and you'll get satay! I love satay! They better have some at the barbecue!**


	3. Meet your new senseis

**The BBQ yesterday was AWESOME!! Freaking hot walnut came! Ms Chua came! And there was satay! There were fishballs too! And I nearly succeeded in pushing Sherilyn into the swimming pool! Yay! I don't own Naruto and this is getting annoying. I have anger-management issues.**

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"YARGHH!!!!!" *whack* "OW!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE HITTING!!!" *thud* "TAKE THAT, LOSER!" *smash* "HIYAAH!!!" *****thump*** **

Crashes and other random noises that sounded _really _painful came from the room in an apartment. Eventually, the four Pengikages stumbled out of the room slightly dazed and worn out from their solemn yet energetic ritual of practicing combat and decapitation wielding stuffed, fluffy devices that are used to aid somnolence as weapons, otherwise known as pillow fights. "Sheesh, one thing I've observed is that pillows are harder than they look when used in pillow fights." Suisho mumbled.(A/N: They really are!) Her friends grunted their assent.

"Hey, we have to meet Tsunade at seven-thirty later, right?" Tenshi queried. "Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that." Kane cracked her stiff joints loudly, causing the others to cringe. "What time is it now?" Kagami consulted the clock "It's … errrrr… one in the morning. OK, people, back to bed!" And they all collapsed onto their beds.

The four mental cases managed to get out of bed at six-thirty and arrived at the designated area punctually. Tsunade was there waiting for them, along with a few other strangers. "I trust that you four had a good rest last night?" Tsunade said. "Yeah, and the pillows made great weapons!" Kagami chirped enthusiastically. Tsunade shook her head and sighed. "Who are those people anyway?" Tenshi asked curiously, looking at the people standing behind her.

"Oh, these are four of Konoha's jounins. You will join their teams." Tsunade scanned them for any sign of protest, but to her relief, the four girls nodded. "Alright, Kagami, you will join Asuma's team, Kane, your sensei will be Kakashi, Suisho, Kurenai shall mentor you and Gai, you'll have Tenshi under your wing."

Asuma looked at Kagami warily. Kagami ignored him. Kane felt a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth as she thought of the ways to annoy her new sensei while the Copy Nin continued to read his porn. Suisho and Kurenai both looked rather relived. At least both of them had gotten the best options. Tenshi wanted to run screaming for the hills. Gai was spouting random crap about youthful green spandex.

"You're now dismissed."

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**I'm trying to finish this story as quickly as possible because I'm most likely going to be banned from**** the computer for the next four to six years. I'm gonna get withdrawal symptoms… And I realised that every chapter so far ended with Tsunade. Sorry about this short chapter but I have to go to sleep now as I need to report to my new school tomorrow.**


	4. Kane and the bell test

**Yay, I'm back! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I should really learn to shut up, shouldn't I. *sigh* I don't own TCZ(cuz that's where I got the time stop idea) and Naruto. I like TCZ better. Why can't they have TCZ here in Fanfiction?**

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"You're late again, Kakashi-sensei!" Kane winced as a hyperactive blond's shriek pierced the air. And she thought Yari was bad…

"This time, I'm late with a proper reason. Here's Kane, the newest addition to Team 7." Sakura sized up the girl who was looking back at them. She could she that the new girl was pretty nervous being around strangers. Naruto probably didn't help at all. Maybe they could become friends…

"ARGHH!!!! THE BRIGHT PINK BLOB IS BLINDING ME!!!!!!"

Then again, maybe not.

Sakura glared at Kane. That mean little bitch. She had to restrain herself from pounding the crap out of her. How did that girl make any friends?

"Can we cut the crap and get on with it?" A bored voice cut in bluntly. "You guys have talking burnt chicken's asses here? Wow. Cool. But kind of creepy." This time, Sasuke glared at the new arrival. Kakashi sighed. Barely ten minutes had passed and this ill-mannered brat had already managed to annoy two of his students. As if Naruto alone wasn't bad enough.

"Today, you will go through a test. The objective of this test is to steal a bell from me. Since there are only three bells, one of you will surely fail this test. The one who fails will be tied to that stake and will not have their lunch. Is that clear?" Kakashi glanced at his team. Naruto was whining, Sasuke looked rather confident, Sakura wore a determined look but Kane… Well, she looked annoyed. Probably because of the pun on her name. Oh well, none of his business. "The test will start now."

In reality, Kane was actually hyperventilating. Crap, why does this always happen to me before tests? She kicked herself mentally. Alright, calm down girl, you can do it… oh crap, the test's just started, no time for pep talks anymore, gotta get down to business now…

She barely avoided crashing face-first into the ground when Naruto slammed right into her. She shot a death glare at Naruto. Still rather dazed, Kane stumbled again when she tripped over a rough patch of ground. Shit, what's happening? She was clumsier than usual. Dammit, I knew I should have slept before nine last night. Now I feel like my limbs are made of lead… JUST STOP PANICKING AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE DAMMIT!!!

Then she remembered. She was a ninja, for Kami's sake! Why wasn't she using any jutsus? "Time-stop," she murmured as she formed the relevant hand signs. Immediately, everything turned gray. Everyone except for her was frozen. Kane knew she had to act fast before her time stop ended or someone breached it. The three gennins would not be a problem, but Kakashi definitely could breach it. If he knew what was going on, that is. Sprinting towards Kakashi, she snagged one of the bells before darting away. At that moment, her time stop ended. Phew, just in time. She thanked her lucky stars that the jutsu had not ended earlier. If it had, then she would have failed, and she had absolutely no wish of being tied to a stake. Drained by the jutsu, she walked a safe distance away from the rest and sat down.

All the while, Kakashi was taking it easy. I mean, come on, how hard is it to fend off three gennins? He was also keeping a close eye on Kane, as the Hokage instructed. He himself too was curious about the girl's abilities. But what he saw next totally confused him.

At first, the girl was bumbling around. Then she had formed some hand signs and had disappeared and reappeared at another location before walking off and sitting down. There had been no smoke, so it could not have been a teleportation jutsu. Surely she would not give up that easily. Unless… Could it be that?

He checked the number of bells he had left. As he had guessed, one was missing. Interesting. Looks like he had underestimated her. How Kane had managed to seize one of them would be saved for pondering later however interesting it might be. Pondering things in a middle of a fight was not exactly the wisest choice one could make.

In the end, Sakura and Sasuke also managed to obtain the remaining bells so Naruto was the one who was bound to the stake. Kane pulled out her earplugs. She knew she was going to need them. Good old earplugs.

In the end, Sakura was kind enough to let Naruto share her meal. At that moment, Kakashi appeared. He didn't look too pleased. Then he thundered some random phrase. Kane wasn't listening. She had that bad habit of not listening to the teacher. Then Kakashi said that they all passed. Now Kane was confused. Was he having mood swings? Yeah, that must be it. Look who's PMSing. Kane sniggered. Pancakes and Maple Syrup. Oh wait, he's a guy, he can't PMS. Oh well, who cares, I'm going to stick to my theory, Kane made up her mind.

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**And that is the reason I stay away from pancakes and maple syrup. Whatever. I want to thank these two faithful reviewers…**

**KiraUzamaki**: Thanks for giving me good advice for overcoming my writer's block!

**Cry alone 1821**: Update your freaking story already, woman!

**And thanks to xXxLoveJesus-LoveMexXx for adding me under favourites! Keep in contact and take my advice, don't write about fishballs, they'll gross everyone out.(Insider's joke!XD)**


	5. Kagami and chickens

**Happy late New Year! I'm having problems adjusting to RGS and that freaks me out cuz that was like, the first day! Well, at least I made some new friends. I really wish my headache would go away… I don't own Naruto or any other thing mentioned here and I don't give a freaking damn. I'd rather have a bottle of painkillers right now.**

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"So… Did you ever cause a haze? Or a forest fire?" Kagami decided to have some fun getting on her new sensei's nerves. Asuma was itching to strangle the little pest. This beat levitating random objects any day. But levitating objects was kind of fun, if the object was a tub full of water. You could drop it on top of your friends. Yeah, that was cool. Then she saw something black. Something black and spiky. Something black, spiky and…

Kagami: *whacks author on the head with a placard* Enough with the somethings and get on with it already!

Author: Ow! Bossyboots. *rubs sore head*

"Arghh! Another pineapple! Why does Konoha have so many pineapples? Is it something fashionable or what? I have pineapplaphobia!" Pineapplaphobia? What's that? Shikamaru wanted to ask that demented girl what pineapplaphobia is but decided it going to be too troublesome and went back to cloud staring. Typical. Just then, the song 'Never Underestimate a Girl' started to play. "Yay! An SMS!!" Then the crazy woman began doing random things to her handphone. Like yelling at it. Weird. "What kind of a message is this!! I hate you!" screeched Kagami before slamming a random chicken on it. Yay, chickens. This story is really becoming more random by the minute.

Ino was wondering who on earth was that psychotic weirdo was and decided to stay away from her until she confirmed that the new girl was not a major health threat. Her screaming could wake the dead. A very wise decision, Ino. A very wise decision indeed. That preserved Ino's life.

Chouji took no notice of Kagami. Kagami noted that with annoyance. How could anyone just ignore her? Ignore her! That was so rude and insulting. Like Clarissa calling me a boy.

Kagami: Clarissa actually called you a boy?!

Author: Yea, she did! She thought I was a boy! How could she?!

Kagami: You have short hair.

Author: Hinata has short hair too but she does not look like a boy!

Kagami: Well, you _do_ look a bit like Kakashi when you wake up. And that was what caused FHW to try and pour white paint in your hair…

Author: *glare* Just shut up.

So Kagami, being the smart and creative girl she is, began to whack Chouji on the head with a penguin plushie while screaming, " Bow down to the chickenz!!!!!" When all Chouji did was look at her in annoyance, the Nidaime pulled out her trusty sidekick: Placard. YEA!!! EVERYONE GIVE PLACARD A ROUND OF APPLUASE!!!!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!!! GO PLACARD!!! YOU TOTALLY ROCK!!!!! (Though Shallowkit and I owe you an apology for wrecking you by using you as a weapon every recess. And the beanbag split and turned 6 Patience into a winter wonderland.)

Kagami grinned like a tomato, I mean grinned evilly, bwahahahahahahaha, and totally pounded Chouji to the ground. Then she continued to thump poor Chouji on the head with her penguin plushie while talking random crap like world domination, Hawaii, chickens and Boeing 747s. Which are very boring subjects, really. Except for chickens. Chickens are cool. And Asuma was getting high blood pressure, especially after Kagami flung another chicken at him. He made a mental note to get a stress ball.

After a while, Kagami's arms were sore so she started this long conversation with Ino on mascara, lipstick and other cosmetics. Shikamaru called her troublesome so she used him as her personal trampoline. TRAMPOLINES RULE THE WORLD!!

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**Sorry for the rushed ending but I gotta go now. XP**


	6. Screaming Tenshi

**Ok, ppl, I just came back from RGS camp 2009 and it totally rocked!! But some idiot made me a cheerleader! I have a _really_ sore throat now. Then my PSL kept on banging on my cubicle's door when I was bathing! Like hello? What happened to privacy? And I have bad news… I can only update on public holidays or festivals… Awww…**

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I am so screwed. Kami must really hate me. I really should be running for the hills now. Tenshi was staring at her weird new sensei blabbering random crap that made her twice as sleepy as she already was. He went blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Then a miniature version of him randomly popped out. Tenshi totally freaked out and started screaming like a lunatic. I mean, who can blame her? Poor Tenshi. She was wondering how was she going to survive.

Neji was glaring, annoyed, at Tenshi and Tenten was 85% certain that she was deaf. Pengikages are known for their powerful lungs. And their high pitched screams. However, this talent is only put into use when they are scared out of their wits, in an attempt to disorientate their opponents or at cheerleading sessions. But that's another story. So back on track, people! Don't get distracted!

So, in short, everyone was either staring at Sandaime Pengikage or rubbing their temples in an attempt to stop their headaches. Ouch. " I am so sorry for startling you with my awesome youthfulness, fair maiden!" Lee was apologizing. Tenshi was still screaming. Except her scream was getting shriller. Neji just clamped her mouth shut because his patience was wearing thin. Gai was trying to figure out how did Tenshi manage that. I also dunno so don't ask me.

And so Tenshi was stuck in the torture room… Muahahahahahahahaha… Sorry Angeline.

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Sorry for this super short chapter but I'm exhausted after the camp. And my mum's pissing me off with stupid questions. Help!! I'm turning emo!


	7. Relatively sane Suisho

**Yay! It's Chinese New Year Eve ! But I can't help feeling kinda sad cuz this is the last day of the year of the Rat and I'm born in the Year of the Rat… I got scolded for rushing through reunion dinner because I wanted to type this chapter… XP But I'm still gonna get lots of red packets! And computer time! Yayzers! I don't own Naruto. Bummer.**

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Kurenai was thanking Kami that her new student _appeared_ to be normal. At least Suisho didn't behave like she escaped from a mental hospital. Kurenai looked at her again. Suisho was walking quietly beside her. After seeing the other Pengikages… This was a surprise. A very big one.

Suisho looked at her sensei. Judging by her relieved expression, Kurenai apparently thought that she was sane. Well, that was a mistake. Okay, she was probably the most sane among all the Pengikages (Kane ran a close second) but she was the one who turned her counterparts crazy. She was their sensei. Without her, Pengikages would probably be ordinary, boring people. - insert overly dramatic gasp of horror- But then again, the disciples have outdone their master. Although Kane and Kagami were more corrupted than crazy. Suisho involuntarily shuddered at the mentally scarring things she had heard when those two were having an argument. It was _terrible._

"Alright, Suisho, meet your new team mates." Suisho looked up and saw them. Nothing interesting, she mused, but at least I'll be better off than Tenshi. She really pitied her sempai. Suddenly, she heard a sound she knew. And feared.

"Akamaru! Come back here!" Kiba shouted. Suisho leapt backwards with a hiss. Gleaming white claws slid out, her cat ears were flat against her head and her tail (which for some reason had gone unnoticed) lashed side to side furiously. Her lips were drawn in a ferocious snarl and her pupils were mere slits. Akamaru whimpered, terrified.

Then, as suddenly as the outburst had been, Suisho returned to normal. She looked a bit embarrassed and looked at the ground silently, digging the tip of her shoe into the ground. Hinata was surprised, Kiba was staring at Suisho weirdly and even Shino backed away warily. Further proof that a Pengikage is mentally always unstable. It's even a pre-requisite.

In an attempt to break the awkward silence and uneasiness that hung in the air, Kurenai announced that they would be touching up on their Tai-jutsu techniques. Hinata was improving, her blows were swifter and unpredictable. Shino was doing just fine. Kiba needed to be a little more accurate with his strikes. Suisho had fast reflexes, that was a good sign. Then Kurenai instructed them to include weapons. Suisho smirked mentally. No kunai for her. She wielded two 10- feet whips. Yeah, this rockz man. Her opponent would be so _screwed_.

Her opponent was Hinata. Okay, this is going to be relatively easy… I think. Hinata was trickier than she had expected, but she was confident in winning this match. With a smooth back flip, she evaded the kunai flung at her and lashed out her whips as a counter-attack. The lash caught Hinata on the ankle and the Hyuuga stumbled. Suisho seized the chance to slash again. This time, Hinata recovered quickly and one of her kunai nicked Suisho's left arm. Suisho landed a hard kick in return. Hinata dodged her next strike and punched back. Suisho lunged forward and pinned Hinata to the ground with a choking grip on Hinata's throat.

"Alright, that's enough. Now Shino and Kiba, its your turn to spar." Kurenai said.

Oh well, maybe this team isn't too bad… Suisho thought as she watched her two team mates duel. But still, I'd rather hang out with the other Pengikages.

(A/N: I was really tempted to transform this into a KibaxSuisho fic but since Wai Yee was the person who made this fic possible and a fellow Pengikage, I shall not. Or she will write a fic about me & Zach or Michael and I don't want that to happen.)

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**That's another chapter finished! ^­_^ Now I'm off to play mahjong with my cousins! Happy Lunar New Year everybody!**


	8. Truth or Dare begins NOW!

**Haha, it's a holiday! Which is kind of ironical since its FRIDAY THE 13****TH****!!!! But anyway, today was sooo fun! I went to watch 'Race to Witch Mountain' with my friends! So I drafted this chapter out. Hope you guys like it!^.^ I don't own Naruto, Totoro or Barbie.**

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"My sensei's weird." "Huh, you're lucky, mine's demented." "Oh really? Mine's just…well, normal, I guess." "I fell asleep halfway through the session, Asuma-sensei's really boring."

The four girls lay sprawled in their room, listening to music, reading or fighting over the Xbox. Tenshi was gradually recovering from her post-trauma shock. Like Suisho said, that was to be expected. At that moment-

"LET'S PLAY WITH BARBIE DOLLS!!"

Everybody stared at Tenshi who grinned madly back in return. She gripped a random Barbie doll and started whacking it against the wall. Hard. Suddenly, it snapped into two and the pieces hurtled through the air. Tenshi watched the bits fly and started grinning like Totoro(Omg I heart that anime.) before continuing to smash her victims into the wall.

"Ermm… Let's think up a new game while someone gets the broom to clean up the mess Tenshi made." Kagami suggested. "I'll get it." Suisho darted out of the room.

"Ok, how about Heartattack? Or Chopsticks? Or Concentration?" Kagami suggested immediately. "Anything's fine by me ." came the reply.

"HARRY POTTER TO THE RESCUE!!!" yelled Suisho as she ran into the room straddling the broom. "Am I the only sane one left?"Kane mumbled to herself.

"So, what game have you decided on?"Suisho enquired. "AHA!!! THE CLASSIC!!!! TRUTH OR DARE!!!" Tenshi yelled. "Seriously, there are other forms of communication other than yelling if you didn't know that." Kagami informed the Sandaime sarcastically.

"Ok, Truth or Dare it is!" "Who goes first?" Everyone stared at Kane with malicious smirks on their face. "Ermm… so what's my dare?" Kane knew her fate was sealed. "Please Kami, save me..."

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**DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!! So what will Kane's dare be? I'm not telling!!!**


	9. First up:Shodaime

**I'm going for a camp on Monday and I had to pass my time there… SEWING. How **_**exciting.**_** Not. I don't own Naruto.**

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"Ok, Kane, your dare will be to… annoy the two most serious people in your team." "Sensei included?" "Yup." "Yay, that makes my task considerably easier." "Glad to hear that. Now get on with it." "Alright, alright. Sheesh, how pushy."

Hmm… I wonder how should I go about doing this… Kane mused. It was relatively easy for her, seeing that she was an expert in annoying others. It was the aftermath she feared. Dismemberment was not a possibility, it was more of a probability. Judging by the targets, severe injury would be a likely result…

A song! That was it, a song! Nothing beat a good, annoying song in any way. Now… time to get musical and think of a tune… Kane was trying to block Canon in D from her mind, that always distracted her. Aha! Camptown! Kane rubbed her hands together whilst laughing evilly as she thought up new lyrics. Her three friends knew that they were going to have some fun…

"Have you seen Sasuke? I've got a message for him." Kane asked Sakura professionally. Sakura glared at Kane in return, her eyes narrowed. After all, this bitch could be interested in Sasuke too. _Her _Sasuke. "Could you just tell me where he is? Its important and I haven't got all day." Kane said.

-**Kagami's P.O.V.-**

Suisho, Tenshi and I were crouching in the shadows, watching the drama unfold before us. We saw Kane stride up to Sakura and strike up some conversation. I edged a bit closer in an attempt to make out what they were saying.

"Why is the message so important?" I managed to catch Sakura's growled reply. Uh-oh. This was a tough one.

"I highly suggest that you integrate the words 'emergency' and 'confidential' into your vocabulary immediately. Unless, of course, I have over-estimated your mental capacity," came Kane's cool and sarcastic reply. Damn this girl was a natural at acting. Not to mention the best liar that I've ever seen. She came up with a lie within a couple of seconds flat. And a _convincing_ one at that. When I peered out, I was stunned.

The Kane I knew was gone. There was no more laughter or cheerfulness about her. Her face was like stone, unnervingly serious and calm. In fact, she could pass for an emo freak, that was how convincing she was.

"Her aura now reminds me of Sasuke." Tenshi commented. "Don't be so mean! Kane isn't that bad." Suisho countered, whacking Tenshi on her back, earning a startled and indignant yelp.

"Shut up! I'm trying to hear their conversation." I hissed. All our attention was immediately concentrated on Kane and Sakura.

I witnessed Kane walk stiffly and businesslike away from an obviously pissed Sakura. Apparently that was one down. Just to see how things were going, I decided to have a look into Kane's mind. That's the cool thing about mind-penetration jutsus. A lifetime's worth of information is just a few handsigns away.

So, anyway, Kane, to my surprise, did not count Sakura as one of her targets. Instead, they were Sasuke and Kakashi. Which was pretty surprising. Not that I minded though. That just meant more entertainment lined up for us.

-**Nobody's P.O.V.**-

Kane swiftly made her way to the training grounds, and sure enough, the Uchiha was there. "And target locked." Kane murmured to herself.

"Hey Sasuke! I was told- Ohmigosh!! Look over there!"

Sasuke looked behind him but didn't see anything out of ordinary. "No, its over there!" Kane gestured frantically. "Yeah, I'm looking there but I don't see anything." Sasuke looked perplexed.

"I told you, its over there!" Kane was getting more and more spastic.

"But I don't see a single thing!' Sasuke was pissed.

"How could you not see it?! Its humongous! You have some serious eyesight problems dude!"

"Firstly, I do not have eyesight problems. Secondly, _I _think that _you _are the one with eyesight problems, yelling at space like a lunatic."

"... TICKLE-NO-JUTSU!!!!"

With a demented shriek, Kane flung herself at Sasuke, using one of the most powerful jutsus of Pengigakure.

Pained screams echoed throughout the entire village.

**___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**Haha, I finally managed to type this out after a four-day long camp... I feel a sense of achievement! Just ignore my random crap. And revieeeeeewwwwwwww....**


	10. A continuation of the previous chapter

**OK, I owe you guys a BIG apology. I was caught up in my CCA and SAs. And I sprained my right ankle _right_ after my injured left ankle healed. I have no idea how am I going to pass the 2.4 km endurance run this Monday. I don't own Naruto or Nike. oh yeah, WARNING: THE LAST SONG IS VERY VERY VERY CORRUPTED!!! SO IF YOU WISH TO AVOID BEING MENTALLY SCARRED FOR LIFE PLEASE SKIP IT!!!!!! **(but I'll bet that 99% of you will probably just ignore this warning and read it anyway) **I hope my mum doesn't catch me typing this chapter cuz I'm supposed to be doing my Philosophy project now. *guilty face***

**____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Aheheheh.

Kane smirked inwardly as she left her victim convulsing in agonizing spasms on the ground, foaming at the mouth. So apparently Mr. Burntchickenass had an Achilles heel. That was good to know. Her friends walked towards her, laughing like idiots. Kagami calmed down sufficiently to inform Kane that they had decided that she had to shock the crap out of her next victim. This game was getting interesting.

-1 hour later-

Kane was seriously getting pissed.

Why did her sensei have to be so elusive?

Muttering some very colourful language to herself, she vowed to torture him for making her going through so much trouble.

Which just basically meant more fun.

Oh yeah.

But it also meant more creativity, and Kane was feeling a bit lazy.

Ah, nevermind.

Nike, just do it.

-Another 1 hour later-

FINALLY, **FINALLY**, **_FINALLY_**!!!!!!!!!! Kane shrieked in her mind when she had managed to track down her next target. She felt like throttling him. Yup, she has her violent moments. Even worse than a herd of rabid elephants. Horrible temper, that girl.

But no, that would just spoil the fun.

Patience was a virtue.

And currently still is.

And it also happens to be the Pengikages' P5 and P6 classes.

But that's another story. This is a fanfic, not a biography, so I shall move on.

So Kane calmly strolled up to him and calmly started singing random songs. First up, the beer version of 'Doh, a deer'

_Dough, the stuff that buys me beer,  
_

_Ray, the guy who serves me beer.  
_

_Me, the guy who drinks the beer,__  
_

_Far, the distance to my beeeer~  
_

_So, I think I'll have some beer,  
_

_La,lalalalala BEER!!!  
_

_Tea, no I think I that I want beer,  
_

_That will bring us back to dough-oh-oh-oh-oh..._

Kakashi stared at her weirdly and said," But you're underaged."

Kane shrugged before singing the quadratic formula to the tune of 'Mary had a little lamb':

_X __equals to negative b,  
_

_Positive, negative square root of  
_

_B square minus four a c and__  
_

_Always over 2 a!_

(A/N: I can still remember how to play it on the recorder. Wow.)

This time, Kakashi was really confused. He had absolutely no idea what was his student singing about. Why was she singing random alphabets? Apparently Kane had expected this reaction and said rather patronisingly,"Don't worry, you'll learn it when you get to Sec Two. I just learnt it one year before-hand for fun." The jounin shook his head. But what came next totally startled him. Even though he _was_ a pervert, the next song was horrifying. He had never knew that a rather average girl would have such a twisted knowledge.

_Dashing through the snow,  
_

_On a pair of broken skis,  
_

_Smashing into rocks,  
_

_Crashing into trees.  
_

_Th__e snow is turning red,  
_

_Somebody's almost dead,  
_

_He woke up in the Hospital with stitches in his head. Oh  
_

_Cock and balls, cock and balls  
_

_Hanging on the wall,  
_

_One so big, one so small,  
_

_One like cannonball (boom)  
_

_One for fifty cents and  
_

_Two for one dollar,  
_

_Buy three and get one free  
_

_While stocks lasts it states! _

Kane shot an evil grin at her shocked sensei before getting the hell out of there.

**____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**Sorry for the perverted song at the end. I was running out of inspiration. Oh yeah, these songs are all copyrighted, kayz? So no copying! R&R!**


	11. Prank Calls!

**I'm supposed to be doing my History PT now but seriously, I'm getting bored of Wu Zetian and the Tang Dynasty. I don't own Naruto or any other random thing that pops up BUT I DO OWN MY BOOTS! TAKE THAT, LIFE!!! HAH!**-At the Akatsuki hideout-

WARNING: Content below contains Malay and Hokkien. Words in italics will be explained at the end of the chapter. Oh yeah, expect OOCness too. This will also be the situation for the next few chapters.  
~x~x~

Konan walked out of her bedroom with a worried expression etched on her face. There was something disturbing her, an omen. She had tried to interpret it in every possible way, but it still made no sense. She decided to share the dream she had with Pein. He would know what to do.

After going through the usual 'knock-door-state-and-who-you-are' ritual, Konan pushed the door open and-

"Elvis Presley? What's he doing here in Pein's office?"

Oh, oops. Sorry about that.

-and a banana waltzed into the room to the tune of "Swan Lake".

I really have to stop this.

-and she walked in the room. (Duh)

"Si mi dai ji?"

"…Nani?..."

Pein immediately snapped out of his OOCness. "What brings you here?"

"I've been having disturbing dreams lately, and-"

"Dreams are just dreams, Konan." The dismissive tone was apparent in his voice.

"Yes, I know, but these are different from a normal nightmare. Its as if…" Konan continued in a low voice, "…as if Kami is trying to tell me something, to warn me."

Pein narrowed his eyes. "What was your dream about?"

Konan grew in a long shaky breath. "I..I dreamt that four penguins came through a computer and killed everyone here. In this hideout."

"Anything more specific?"

"Yeah, they killed everyone with a telephone."

"Alright, I'll take the necessary precautions immediately." Seeing Konan's frown, he continued, "Is there anything else?"

"Uhh, with all due respect Pein-sama, why are you wearing an 'I Love Raffles' T-shirt?"

"The author made me wear it."

"Oh."

-Back in Konoha-

"Right, now its your turn, Kagami. Truth. Or. Dare." Tenshi smirked evilly. Kagami felt a cold wave down her spine.

"Yo peeps! I updated my blog! Taggiez, kay?" "Seriously Suisho, chill." "Whatever."

Kagami felt an uneasy panic well up within her. "So, my dare will be to...?" She braced herself for the reply. Knowing her friends, this was definitely going to be something that she would never live down. A hundred and ten percent guarantee.

"I have no idea."

Kagami anime-fainted with a huge anime-sweatdrop at the back of her head.

"SQUAD, _SEDIA_!!!!!" Kane shrieked at the top of her lungs. "_KEKANAN PUSING_!!!!"

"Sheesh, I know that you're obsessed with your CCA and want to be a _DI_ but no need to blast my ears of with drill commands, kay?" Kagami winced and rubbed her sore ears. "So seriously, what's my dare?"

"…I still have no idea…"

"How about prank-calling?" Suisho decided to take the reins.

"Good idea!"

Everyone threw a glare at Tenshi.

"Oohoohoohoohooh, how about making Kagami prank-call a random person and shout random commands?"

"Oh wow. I never knew that you had enough brainpower to think of such an idea, Kane-chan."

"Why thank you, Suisho-chan. I never knew that you had sufficient brainpower to come up with that remark either."

While those two traded barbed comments and witty retorts, Kagami and Tenshi were scrolling through their handphones in search of potential victims.

"How 'bout Shikamaru?"

"Nah, he won't react much."

"Good point."

"What about… the Akatsuki?"

"… How did you get their number?!"

"You wanna know?'

"Yes."

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes, Kagami, I really want to know."

"You really really wanna know?"

"Yes!"

"You really really _really _wanna know?"

"YES!!!"

"You_ really_ _really really really really really_ wanna know?"

"#$%^&*(_=#$^%!$%?~`^&*#$"

"I checked the phone book."

"No kidding?!"

"Yup. Yellow Pages has really good coverage."

"Wow."

"I know, I'm awesome."

At that point in time, the other three Pengikages started coughing and hacking like they were chronic asthmatics who had contracted TB.

Anyways, a full hour's work of unimportant crap later, Kagami picked up the receiver of the phone. Suisho swatted her hand away and snapped, "Use the loudspeaker, dumbass. It's there for a reason."

"Fwine." Pouting, Kagami activated the loudspeaker and dialed the number.

"Er, Kagami, are you really sure that their number is 62-35-35-35? Cuz I have this feeling that its actually-"

"Hush! The phone's ringing!" interrupted Tenshi before Kane could finish her sentence. Obediently, Kane fell silent and they huddled together, waiting expectantly.

"Hello, Akatsuki hideout. May I know who is speaking please?"

"Winnie-the-pooh."

All the Pengikages were trying to muffle their snorts of laughter.

"Oooh, Winnie-the-pooh! Tobi's your No.1 fan! Can you give Tobi an autograph? Please? Please? Please?"

Kagami looked to her friends desperately for help. Suisho hurriedly replied, "Alright, on one condition. You must tell me the phone numbers of the rest of your organization members's numbers."

"Oh, okay! Wait a minute!" Followed by silence.

"That has got to be the most retarded conversation ever!" Tenshi fell back on the bed and released all her pent-up laughter.

"Shh! He's back!"

"Tobi's back! Here's the numbers!"

And after putting those numbers in Kagami's contact list, the offensive against Akatsuki officially began.

**~x~x~  
And here are those words' definitions…  
**Si mi dai ji: what's your problem  
Sedia: (stand at) attention  
Kekanan pusing: turn right  
DI: Drill Instructor  
**OMG Pein speaking Hokkien... Wonder if he can speak Teochew and Cantonese lolz. XD I'm ending here cuz I'm lazy… Bwahahahaha… No CCA until further notice!! Whooo!! I love H1N1!!!**


	12. Watch out Itachi

**TODAY IS MY B'DAE PEOPLE!!! WHOOHOO!!! AND THE LAST DAY OF EYAs!!! YAY!!!!**

~xx~

"Hello?"

"Erm… May I speak to Itachi please?"

"Speaking…?"

"I need your help…"

Now Itachi was confused. And suspicious. Help…? Of what sort? Besides, who was that mysterious stranger who had called him…

"Who are you?" He heard a sharp intake of breath in response to his brusque demand.

"BritneyMelissaIsabelleRuthMaryKatieJenniferRachelElizabethCatherineMagdaleneCynthiaZerlinaAnnDioneJessicaSusanneHelenPetronaLouisaRebeccaMichelleBananaFranchescaUmbrellaDingDongTofu."

"The whadda?"

"TheBritneyMelissaIsabelleRuthMaryKatieJenniferRachelElizabethCatherineMagdaleneCynthiaZerlinaAnnDioneJessicaSusanneHelenPetronaLouisaRebeccaMichelleBananaFranchescaUmbrellaDingDongTofu."

"Huh?"

"Arghh!! Everyone says that when they hear my name!! Couldn't you be at least more original with your response?!"

"Oh-kay…"

"So anyways, I need your help."

"And why should I help you?"

"Because… you're the only one who can…?"

"That's hardly a reason."

"Do you think I care?"

"…Yes…"

"Oh. I don't actually."

"Oh."

"So are you helping me or not?"

"…"

"Silence means consent, so I'll take it as a yes."

"What kind of logic was that?!"

"UG logic. Don't ask me what a UG is, or this conversation will drag for hours."

"A very flawed logic I must say."

"Tell that to my seniors. Anyway, you're a genius right?"

"I suppose so."

"Great! Then can you tell me how to calculate the acceleration and displacement of a moving object with an initial velocity of 5m/s and comes to a complete stop within 2.8s?"

"What kind of nonsense is that?"

Kane was offended.

"It's not nonsense! It's my physics homework!"

"And why are you consulting me for that?"

"Because I thought that being a genius, you would be familiar with such things."

"Physics is rather irrelevant with being a member of the Akatsuki."

"No it's not! You have to sketch out the velocity-time graph before you throw a kunai! And calculate the force of impact necessary to inflict maximum damage! And you also have to take into consideration torque, friction as well air-resistance! Not to mention memorizing where the targets come out next comes in handy. Like when you're using an SAR…"

Kane clamped her hand over her mouth. She had forgotten that SARs weren't supposed to be mentioned. A big oops there.

"What is an SAR?"

"Oh, umm… Severely Agitated Remote." Kane nearly burst out laughing at the acronym she had crapped out.

"That does not make sense."

"I rarely do."

"I sort of figured that out."

"Oh… yay?"

"… …"

Kane drummed her fingers impatiently. She hated awkward silences.

"You haven't answered my question yet!"

"I have better things than to respond to an idiot who asks me nonsense."

"You. Will. Regret. Ever. Saying. That." Each cold syllable was spat out.

If only Itachi knew what calamities would come his way.

Rule #1: Never anger a Pengikage.

Kane was going to have some fun…

~xx~

**But… there will be footdrill again… noooooo….. I wish my seniors would stop talking in Japanese for once... -.-" AND I AM SO NOT ANKO, MICHAEL. AT LEAST I WASN'T THE ONE WHO SCREAMED AND SAID THAT HE NEEDED HIS MOM.**


End file.
